come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
