My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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