Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
