Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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