There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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