I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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