my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
