Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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