his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
