I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
