my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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