I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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