Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
