I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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