Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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