im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
