in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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