Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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