I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
