I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
