Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My ass is underappreciated
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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