So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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