He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
