Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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