Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
