I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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