I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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