Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
