capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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