I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
