Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
