considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
