I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize