I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I deserve this hangover.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
