Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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