take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
