They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
