After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
