some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
