I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
FUCK WHALES
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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