I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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