You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
