the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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