im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
