why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?