A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3