Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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