So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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