i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
