I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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