I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
