Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
