So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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