best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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