A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
