she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
