Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
