Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
