if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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