I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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