final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
