he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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