Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
