Betty ford says i'm here all night
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
