as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Are we still banned from the library?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
