Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She bit a glass in half.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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