We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
