chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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