So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
