is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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