"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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