Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
