You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
